Ever find yourself trying to move on, but you keep checking their Instagram, Snapchat or Twitter just to see what they are up to without having to ask? You have nobody to blame but yo damn self. Delete them (that includes family and friends) from ALL SOCIAL MEDIA, a matter of fact, BLOCK THEY ASS! Delete all y'alls pictures together! Just delete ALL DAT SHXT! How can you possibly move on if you are regularly seeing their face and always being reminded of the times you shared, or even worse, watching them make memories with someone else? Think about it; YOU are controlling your emotions at this moment. You are making yourself sad by looking at their social media and trying to find out who they may or may not be sleeping with. That is not conducive to you trying to start an entirely new chapter of your life and sailing on. Ask yourself this, do you want to put yourself through that heartache? You know how crazy that sounds? Obviously not, that's why you keep doing it. REMOVE YOURSELF out of the picture and focus on the things that make you happy. Stop reading this (and cyberstalking), go on a deleting spree and BLOCK that ass. Now let's move on.
No More Communication!
Think about this, the ball is in your court, and your feelings are in theirs. This means that you obviously CAN stop the situationship because they obviously don't care, that's why you are in one, and your feelings are in their court because you caught those feelings when you shouldn't have. So they control your emotions, anything they do will make you cry, angry or happy. Every move they make, you are jumping through hoops. Why keep communicating with someone who is for everybody. They want you, you and you and probably your best friend too. Stop calling and pressing the issue; you can't make anybody do something they don't want to. Don't give them the sweet satisfaction of a phone call, facetime or even a damn email. If it helps change their name in your phone to 'DNA' (DO NOT ANSWER). As stated before, block that ass, if they are getting too persistent. You know their feelings are not mutual, and you know you want more. What more is there to know? Talking to them is only going to: allow them to waste more of your time, become more vulnerable and stupid. Hang up that phone, delete that prepped message in your notes app and be like my good friend Elsa and LET IT GOOO!
*Bonus - if you feel as though you are about to text them, write the message out in your notes and sleep on it. I guarantee you will be thanking God you slept on it.
What About Your Friends?
We all have that HONEST friend(s) who we can count on to be free of judgment and honest with us. At this point in your life, stay away from friends who will give you advice they would not take, hopeless romantics and friends who ain't been through shit. Let's be real, how can someone give you advice, but never experienced what you are going through to know what they would do in your situation. Anybody can tell you anything that sounds good but never actually went through it to know if it works. Vent out those feelings to your Honest friends and be HONEST with them so that they can give you HONEST advice. DO NOT hold anything in, if you have to write it out in a journal or on your phone, do just that. Also, do not go around telling all of your business. No need for people to be gossiping about shit they have no business knowing in the first place.
The Man In The Mirror.
The reflection period has to be my favorite part. This is the time most people would bring out the bottles and spark one to suppress their emotions and feelings for somebody. Why add on distractions? The best part of going through it is going through it. It's not permanent, only temporary; you will make it to the other side a much better person. But in the meantime, try not to use substances to suppress your emotions. You need to feel this pain so that you can recognize it and not want to go through it again. Try to figure out, what the hell went wrong and how did you get stuck in this "ship." Find out what made you settle, what made them feel as though this was all you were worth and wanted and most importantly, what were the signs. The signs were there, but you ignored them, why? You are what you allow, and people will treat you any type of way because you allowed it. You can't change people, but you can change what you will and will not accept. Once you have reflected on the past (for a couple of days) fix those things you want to change about yourself, so you don't find yourself on this carnival cruise to hell.
Get Out That House, Set Some Goals and Try Something New.
Now, I love sitting in the house, but sitting in the house during this time will only make you more and more depressed. So get up, get moving and get shaking. While they are moving and grooving not thinking about you, you need to do the same. Overthinking will not change your circumstances. Go out with friends, flirt or pamper yourself. Being around people and doing things you love will take your mind off of your shitty situation and place it on things that are going to benefit you for the better. During this time you should be pulling out those goals you sat aside for this no good person and pursue them. The best part of being single is that it gives you the freedom to do the things you NEED to do. Lose some pounds, switch up that old do and become an entirely new person. Also, try something new. Pick up a hot yoga class, try veganism, build on that book or music collection or start traveling. So get out the bed, open those curtains and start moving.
You notice when you start drinking, smoking or just having a good ass time, you get that urge to call or text them? Or how about when their birthday is coming up or a holiday is near, you want to send them that prewritten ass message just to spark a conversation? Well guess what? Don't do it; you have come too far to turn around now. Instead of picking up that bottle, how about putting something good in your body? Drink some green juice, eat some vegetables or even drink a gallon of water, then call that HONEST friend instead. Breaking out of those bad habits will show you how strong you can be/are and then you will want to continue the journey. Think of it like this; you have taken all these steps, just to end up calling them and handing all that power back? See, don't look back because you will miss what is in front of you.
Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong
The only way you can truly move on is to forgive the one who caused all this pain. People don't know why they do the things they do, but they do them anyway. They might have caused you to feel some tremendous pain, but despite how mad you might be, you are only hurting yourself. Forgive them, if not for them for yourself. Forgive that person and forgive yourself for staying in that situation and thinking this was what you deserved.
Test those waters.
After you went through this process, you are ready to test the pool of dating. Call up some friends, look your best, go to the most poppin' happy hour spots and flirt until you can't tease anymore. Reactivate those dating apps and start the swiping process. Ask some friends to set up some dates for you or let that person you kept ignoring take you out (if they are your type). Go out with NO EXPECTATIONS! Do Not get yourself back into them same ol' situations; you have come too far. It is important for you to know that the person you were dating isn't the only person out here for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so take your pick. Meet new people, create new memories and experiences and just get your feet wet in the dating life. Dating is also an excellent ego stroker (who don't need that ego stroked every once in a while?). You will not meet anyone sitting at home, wishing you had somebody to call your own. So spend a day pampering yourself. Get your hair did, get a wax (if that's your thing). If you are a girl get some matching sets of undergarments and if you are a guy get some new crisp undies, take a hot bath, pick out an eye-catching fit, noise grabbing fragrance and paint the town red (NO KARLIE). That feeling of stepping out and feeling good is a sensation you should always have.
I hope you find this useful because I went through this. Although everyone's situation will be different, that feeling of hurt and confusion is what we will have in common.